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Identity: Horse chestnuts.

History: Brought into the UK 409 years ago.

Appearance: Nature's collectible doll.

That can't be accurate. Absolutely. Go and watch a TikTok video of someone unboxing a conker, and you’ll probably hear them refer to it as “nature's Labubu”.

Unboxing conkers? What on earth are you talking about? Oh wow, you really are not up to date, aren’t you? Young people are using social platforms to record videos unpeeling conkers from their prickly shells.

What's the reason? Because of the feeling of amazement! When you open up a conker, you never know what you’re going to get. Will it be big? Might it be flattened? What will its shine level be? It is similar to a surprise package every time!

Are Labubus big and flat and shiny? No, they’re somewhat eerie dolls that have become highly sought-after because they also come in mystery boxes.

Would someone inform the younger crowd that they’re not using conkers correctly? Are they? How do you play with horse chestnuts, then?

Thread a lace through the center, and try to destroy everyone else’s conkers. Wow, really? That’s bizarre.

Yeah. You’ll have a much better chance of winning if you leave it in vinegar and then bake it like a pie. You're not joking?

Seriously. And should you gather an excess, you can toss them in the schoolyard and all the other kids will fight each other for them. A lovely item from nature like a conker, and you use it as a tool for battle? A weapon that comes with a lengthy list of arcane and bewildering rules?

It’s traditional! King Charles literally just presented the World Conker Championships with a gift of 300 conkers! At least young people are just recording videos.

Why don’t you know this? At a guess, because certain schools prohibited the game twenty years back, due to concerns over well-being.

The modern world never fails to amaze me. Maybe revealing horse chestnuts just isn’t your thing. In which case, perhaps you would be more interested in some other popular youth fads.

Is that so? Like what? Well, there’s this thing called knitting, and something else called pottery that I can describe for you.

We’ve had knitting and pottery for centuries! Let me guess, you boil the needles in cider and then use them to jab one another?

Certainly not! OK, relax. I thought all old-people traditions involved some type of aggression, after that horse chestnut game.

This is overwhelming. Relax for a moment. If you need me, I’ll be opening plant seeds online.

Do say: “Social media loves showcasing nut discoveries.”

What to avoid: “That's crazy.”